Young Boys Wankdorf Spurs

  
   Seeing as I was on the road for our illustrious Champions League playoff game at the Wankdorf, and the Stoke game was not televised, I really don't have much to say, so I'll vent.
   I was nervous about the match against Young Boys. They were a team I've never heard of, but they did knock off Fenerbahce, which I took as a shock. I was traveling to a meeting two hours away that started at kick off. As the meeting was slightly delayed, I consulted my iPhone (in the 6th minute) and found Spurs a goal down. I exclaimed, "You've got to be kidding me!" which drew a little attention. I just knew it was all over, and started looking to see what teams are in the Europa League, and what chance we may have in that tournament.
   At the lunch break, I confirmed my worst fears. Spurs pulled a Spurs. Had I not learned anything as an England supporter this Summer? Why do I ever fool myself into being optimistic? I knew Champions League football meant the sting of failure would be that much more crushing. Isn't the League Cup good enough for me? Well, thank God for Super Pav. He's given us a thread of hope.
   As for the Stoke game, I knew I wouldn't be watching it, so it was a little hard to get excited. A win was a must for morale and momentum, but I was not expecting anything but disappointment. However, we apparently lucked into three points by the marvelous work of the freaky little ref. Thanks Foy. Bale, once again, has proven that he is our stand out player. I know who's number will be on my new replica kit when I buy it. Bale deserves Champions League football.
   After several days to shake off the numbness...I'm optimistic about Wednesday's game. I mean, we're at home, our backs are against the wall, and we're playing the most important match in over 40 years. What could stop us?
   I don't have the same sense of foreboding I did last week. Spurs will put the Young Boys to the sword, and we'll pocket $10 mil and a ticket into the Champions League. Come on you Spurs!
  
   I'm such an idiot.

They did everything they could...except score 9 goals

   It's been a while since my last post, but my family and I took a trip to the Texas Hill Country, and to the center of the Spurs universe. I heard rumors that there was a town that has hundreds of thousands of Spurs fans nestled deep in the heart of Texas. Excitedly, I packed the family truckster (and the family) and headed east to this supposed Tottenham Mecca.
   As I was on the outskirts of San Antonio, I saw a car with the license plate that read SPURS2. "Awesome!", I thought, as I made my way deeper into the city. Then I met this guy: El Loco Lobo.

El Loco Lobo does floors, too.

   I soon realized that the Spurs this town worshiped, and my beloved Tottenham, might be different teams altogether. Perchance a different sport.
   Disappointed, I left to find the basement of the Alamo...

   After a multitude of disappointments on this trip (including getting the Villarreal match report), I decided to forget about the World Cup, ignore preseason friendlies, and wait for the start of the season against Citeh.
   We left off last season with the most exciting scenario since I have been supporting Spurs, battling Man City for 4th and the Champion's League. We got it (in spite of our performance against Burnley a week later).

   I haven't done a season preview, as every preview I've ever listened to or read is always crap. Spurs will finish in the top 5, be mid-table, or be in a relegation battle. It's Spurs - all three will happen in the course of the season. Go back and compare predictions versus results. It's just like making scoreline predictions for matches: it's pointless drivel. I don't know what in hell is going to happen any more than you, Harry Redknapp, or Andy Gray (God forbid). You probably don't want to read it, and I don't want to write it.
   Anyhoo, we played Man City. I thought we were awesome. We played positive football, we defended, and we missed every chance in the world. All credit to Joe Hart, though. Good job picking keepers, Capello.

   We should have started the season with three points, but I am satisfied with anything but a opening day loss. We've got a light run for the next couple of games, and of course there's Champion's League play on Tuesday. Confidence is high, and life is Lily white.

COME ON YOU

!!!

Keane & Bale Score Against an Ex-Gooner and His New Friends.

   The Barclay's New York Challenge, game 1 featuring the mighty Tottenham Hotspur against their rivals across the pond, the New York Red Bulls. In other words, Spurs' 3rd pre-season game.

Spurs' line-up: Cudicini, Hutton, Corluca, Walker, Bale, Naughton, Jenas, Huddlestone, Modric, Krancjar, and Keane.

Red Bull's line-up: Thierry Henry and 11 other guys.

   Last game against San Jose, the new home kit was introduced. I like it quite a bit. I don't know what Autonomy is, and their logo isn't the greatest, so I may see what the second sponsor is before I buy. Against New York, Tottenham brought out their new, ugly away kit. If Puma need to have all these random lines and bars, they should just design the kit to look like Tron, then it'd be cool.

See...

 

The glowy parts could be reserved for Championship League games.

   Blue on white at home, and white on blue away. I'd buy the full kit of both and wear them to work. Think on it, Puma.

   The commentary was much better, aside from more pronunciation issues: Modric was Moe-drich, I heard mention of Austin Villa, and Spurs apparently play at White Hart. I'm sure these guy's do a serviceable job for MLS coverage, but it's painfully obvious that, while being aware of the players and the league, they are definitely not familiar. This is evidenced by the assertion that this was, "a big important game". Give me a break.

   It wasn't a big important game, it was a training knock-about. There were a few flurries of excitement (mostly provided by Henry in the first half) starting with a shot by Jenas in the 40th second of the match.

   Well, let's get the Henry issue out of the way. For starters, it was good to hear the boos every time he got a touch. In any other game, I wouldn't care, but any ex-Gooner should expect to be booed when playing Spurs. Honestly, I think Henry has been one of the best players I've seen. I enjoyed watching his couple of games with Barca, and hopes he lifts the Red Bulls and MLS by his presence. But, as I watched him have a chance in the 7th minute, and then score in the 25th, the old disgust took hold.

   As in days gone by, I don't think the disgust is as much for Henry as much as it is for our shambles of a defense, and the fact we don't have an Henry of our own. Granted, we weren't playing our preferred starters, but it remains the constant worry. Corluca looked shaky as ever. If not for Cudicini, they'd had a few more. Carlo's not 100%, but he's decent back-up. I'll feel even more assured if we land Pletikosa from Moscow.

   In the 13th minute, MLS exposed the gap between their league's best in mid-season form, and Premiership players on holiday. The striker paired with Henry, Stanler, received the ball behind the defense in front of an open goal. Instead of shooting and easily scoring, he simply ran right past the ball toward the goal line. Simply amazing.

   Jenas had flashes, as did Modric and, of course, Bale was a one man team up the left. I'm getting his number on my kit (when I buy it), and if he keeps improving and delighting, I'll wear leeks in my hat and celebrate St. David's Day every year.

   Just one minute after Henry scored in his debut against us, Modric came very close to equalizing. His shot went just wide, but three minutes later Keane had his chance...to no avail.

Half Time Changes: Taarabt on for Corluca, and Townsend on for Naughton.

   I'm glad to see Taarabt get a run out. We've had these supposedly fantastic players languishing in the reserves, but now we need to bolster our squad for the Champion's League campaign ahead. We either have to use these guys, or sell them and buy people who the manager isn't afraid to put on the squad sheet.

   Townsend really impressed the last match, but was quieter today. Fine, but quiet. Naughton, on the other hand, has been completely anonymous. In two matches, his name was not mentioned once, nor did I recall seeing him on the ball.

   One thing I noticed was the amazing amount of dirt being kicked up every time a player kicked the ball. It was like watching Pigpen play soccer.

   In the 59th minute, I took this note: "Keane's lost his touch. He had an easy chance, had he taken the shot on his left, or chipped the keeper (who was sliding)." Three minutes later he scores a goal. What do I know? I know Keane's lost his touch, and scores a soft goal off a goalie mistake. He should've had 3 goals in these last two games. We'll see, it's still early days, and Keano's a notorious late starter.

   The 70th minute saw Danny "that goal" Rose come on for Kranjcar. Two minutes later, Bale punctuated his night's performance with a nice little poached goal from a defender's poor back header intended for the keeper.

   Mason came on for Modric in the 76th minute. The game ended with New York, particularly Kandji, attacking and having several chances 10 minutes before time. 2-1 to Spurs at full time, and Bob's your uncle.

   One point of interest (a generous term) I heard at half time was that Helder Postiga (remember him?) scored against Celtic on Wednesday. Sporting lost anyway.

The Texan's man of the match: Gareth Bale

Spurs Match Report: Earthquakes win 0-0 on the 5 week anniversary of the US win over England

   Worse than a stadium of vuvuzelas, the American soccer commentators hijack the viewing experience. It's usually why I  watch MLS games with the sound off. Thank God FSC uses the British commentary now, instead of the Christian Miles voice-over, like back in the old days of FOX Sports World.
   That said, let's get on to the riveting excitement that was the mighty Tottenham Hotspur Football Club versus the San Jose Earthquakes.

Spurs lineup: Cudicini, Bale, walker, Kaboul, Hutton, Townsend, Huddlestone, Naughton, Jenas, Obika, and Keano

San Jose lineup: Bobby Convey (you know, that American player for Reading who was released) and 10 other guys.

   ESPN had the ubiquitous Rob Stone partnered with Taylor Twellman. I guess Twellman's been relegated to colour commentary, as he's injured and unable to play for the Revolution. As I stated before, these two football geniuses guided us through this hotly contested (for SJ) fitness warm-up (for Spurs).
   Let's get their foolishness out of the way (I took more notes on them than any action on the pitch), then I'll recap the match.
   First, let's start with pronunciation. For the opening 25 minutes, they were calling Jenas [jean-ass]. Pretty tough luck for a guy who's name already rhymes with penis. Obika was [obi-kaw], and when they were speaking about Martin Jol, they said it with the hard J. I hear the Brits mangle names all the time, but these are crimes of unfamiliarity, rather than the British wanton disregard for pronunciation etiquette regarding the foreign.
   Next, we were told that Tottenham were here to show off, yet stressed over and over again that their form was not 100%, as this was just a fitness exercise.
   I learned that, "the Spurs and Tottenham" are ready to expand the Big 4.
   Stone and Twelly also spent some time salivating over the fact that Keano is on a prove-it or lose-it situation, and could be sold.  They wrote the script of the "Irish Icon" being sold to New England or New York to stoke the support of Irish-American fans. I could see the dollar signs in their eyes, as their wolf-tongues lolled and drooled over our little Irish wayward son. A confrontation between Keane and Thierry Henry, who just signed for NY Red Bulls and will debut against Spurs, over the World Cup qualifier debacle. Yeah, I'm sure there will be a real bust-up. Henry might boycott training and be benched, just to feel at home.
   These two really don't know what to say during the course of a match, so they talk constantly without saying anything. They yammered about the "big boys on the back line", especially the "ginormous" Huddlestone. Pre-season fitness was over-explained repeatedly, and Twelly seemed to know what all the players on the pitch were thinking. A washed-up player in a third-rate league reading the minds of Champion's League players; impressive.
   However, by far the most disturbing element of the broadcast was listening to Twellman's infatuated gushing about Gareth Bale. Yes, Bale's one of my favorite players, and I do think he's the best left back in the league, but Twelly sounded like a 12-year-old girl extolling the virtues of either Edward or Jacob to her Twilight-engorged friends. I mean, he called him, "an absolute stud" twice. Damn.

Well, he ain't no Tom Jones

   Now, on to the match. Admittedly, I was surprised to see Keane's name in the line up. Outta' sight, outta' mind I guess. I'd written off Keane at Spurs, but seeing him in the shirt again was like going all mushy when you see an ex-girlfriend you didn't realize you weren't over yet. But then I quickly snapped out of it, as he missed two headers in front of an open goal. One in the 26th minute, and the other in the 56th minute. I know it's early days, but he looks as he did when we last parted.
   In the 11th minute, we had a goal disallowed. Jenas took a 20 yard shot off a short corner and blasted it home. Keane may have had a touch at the end, but it was ruled offside.
   In the 30th minute, San Jose saved a 25 yard free kick shot from Bale.
   Townsend had several shots off target, but he looked good. He was quick on the ball, and teamed with Bale on the left side, really gave the Earthquakes problems on their right. He also took a corner or two. I was amused to hear that Twelly didn't think Townsend being tripped and pushed in the back by a defender coming from behind wasn't worthy of a free kick.
   The second half saw Huddlestone move to central defense, Kaboul moved over to the right of the defense, and Townsend switched from left to right midfield. Hutton, Naughton, and Obika came off for Modric, Kranjcar, and Pavyluchenko.
   San Jose had a few chances around the 60th minute, but never really threatened as much as the commentators let on. In the 67th minute, Bale tweaked his ankle. As the camera showed a sun-pinked Redknapp looking on as Bale got the magic spray , Rob Stone said, "Harry Redknapp will be right over to supervise this." What the hell is he; the physio? I think they have other people to do that Rob.
   Adam Smith came on for Kyle walker in the 71st minute, and in the 73rd, Pav had a shot on goal go wide. The 78th minute saw Keane exit for Ryan Mason, and seven minutes later, Kallum Butcher replaced the ginormous Thud.
   And there you have it! Nothing else happened. 0-0 on a hot afternoon. The 10,712 attendance was an all-time record for San Jose, who play in a stadium with a listed capacity of 10,500.
   There was a good atmosphere for the game. There were the mandatory drums and Mexican football chants, but there were quite a few Croatian fans, as evidenced by flags and national jerseys. I saw one England flag with small print of Coppermill Spurs, 1 vuvuzela, and I even picked out a small section chanting, "Come on You Spurs!"  and "Spurs Go Marching On".

Man of the Match: Andros Townsend for his hustle, and Gareth Bale for his boyish charm.
   Stay tuned for coverage of the World Series of Soccer next week in New York.

Manly Football: Would Gazza wear an alice band?

   The World Cup is over and pre-season has started. I couldn't be more excited. However, one thing the World Cup has left me wanting for is manly football. 

   Football is an endeavor of endurance, grit, and craft. But Nike tells me it's all about primped and preened millionaires who can't even get asked to the dance (Ronaldinho) or suffer from E.D. when it's time for the big show (Drogba, Canavarro, Ribery, Rooney, and one of the worst examples of football prissiness: Ronaldo). Nike, next time wait 'till the tournament's over to make your epic sales pitch.

   Now let's look at the supposed flag-bearers of world football.

• Drogba - Big, and intimidating as all get out, but he's a diver a.k.a. sissy,
• Canavarro - he's rugged with a shaved head, but he's done way too much underwear modeling,
• Ribery - You can't knock a guy with a facial scar that big too much, but he plays for France, 'nuff said,
• Rooney - In spite of his underwhelming performance, he's definitely closer to my preferred ideal of a footballer, teach him to stop pouting, and to read, then he'd be perfect,
• Christianaldo Ronaldo - fancy.

   These icons all had their chance (except Ronaldinho) and came away with nothing but embarrassment, for the most part.

   Where's the commercial with Schweinsteiger, Sneijder, and Vittek? Not pretty enough, I guess. But while all the long-haired, pretty ponces (and Robben) were flopping and rolling around on the pitch, these ugly little crew-cut guys played entertaining football for us.

   When you make more in one week than I will in 6 years, I shall not, will not, cannot feel sorry for you when you get whacked in the shin. Every time you cover your face and cry an anguished appeal to God above (as long as the ref is looking) you become less a man.

   I want to cheer on a midfield terrier who runs through challenges, and strikers who would never go to ground before trying their hardest to score an open goal through the defense.  When confronted with the perceived effeminate nature soccer has acquired in the States, I turn around and criticize the NFL players for having to wear all those pads and receive oxygen on the sidelines after an 8 second play. Alice bands or no, football players aren't puffs. They're hardened athletes. Now quit acting like rich, pampered Dolce & Gabbana models and a little more like Charleton, Coates, and Gazza.

       Sir Bobby and Ralph Coates dare you to mention their comb-overs.            Ah hell, Gazza.

Mickey Mouse & minivans: The American soccer juggernaut

   How long will it be when "foreigners in the Premiership" is replaced by "Americans in the Premiership"? It all depends on American television rights.
   There is Fox Soccer Channel, and several Spanish-language cable channels that show soccer. The only people who watch these channels are established fans. Slowly but surely, World Cup and Champion's League matches are making it onto more channels with larger, broader audiences.
   Disney and soccer-moms are the linchpin. Disney owns ABC and ESPN. If there is one thing Disney is good at, it's making money. Football is ubiquitous the world over (except the States and Canada) and the more globalized our society becomes, the more interest in football in this country. ESPN and ABC are in the perfect position to cash in on the demand. It's been baby-steps, so far. World Cup '94 was the first time all matches were shown in the States (only because we were hosts). However, more and more Championship football is being shown. I wouldn't doubt, if in the next several years, they make a move for Premiership rights.
   Next we have the soccer moms, and their soccer-playing offspring. More kids play soccer than any other sport in the States. We're finally catching on. You don't have to have tons of equipment, it's a relatively simple game to follow (kicking ball in net = ecstasy), and you don't need a set number of people to play a pick-up game. Soccer is extremely accessible, like basketball. Basketball is the closest equivalent to soccer in the States. But, unless you're 7 feet tall, you can realistically write off any chance of playing the sport past high school on a competitive level. There are no Messi's in the NBA. Soccer is not physically exclusive like basketball and American football. Now in this regard, soccer is like baseball. Any short, fat, scratching, spitting slob can play baseball, but you need to be fit or take illegal drugs to excel.
   American upper middle-class family life is often hectic, over-scheduled, and complicated. This demographic has the availability to devote time and resources so their child excels (or at least looks like their achieving with crisp kits, window stickers, and trophies for just showing up). Americans, in case you didn't know, like to be the best. If they can't be the best, they want to feel like they're the best. They will find a way.
   Where am I going with this? American kids play soccer. Americans want to achieve. Soccer has the broadest canvas among sports, on which American children can  express themselves and achieve. As the children get interested in soccer, they will want to watch it on TV. The more high-level soccer is shown on TV, the more other kids will watch. The more other kids watch, they will realize they can achieve at this sport, where they may not be able to in other popular sports. It will not be long when youngsters, previously interested in the NBA, or even NFL will be suiting up on a soccer pitch.
   America has the monetary, and other tangible resources to dominate any sport on the global level that it wishes. The U.S. hasn't tapped its most valuable resource: its population. A simple TV contract could change all of that.
   In an alternate reality, the question wouldn't be whether LeBron was going to stay in Cleveland or move to Miami, but whether he'd sign for Spurs or Chelsea. Spoiled millionaire Euro-trash move over, here come the gun-toting, dog-fighting, drug-using, date-raping Yank reprobates!

Spurs Win the World Series of Soccer!

   Not really. There is no such thing as the World Series of Soccer. There is the World Cup, of course. But, in America, the World Cup is so foreign, and distant, and we don't know where all those strange little countries are on the globe. So we have the World Series of Football! And Spurs are competing for the coveted prize.
   Yes, really. There is a management company, World Series Football, that organizes tournaments, evidently all over the globe with very impressive clubs, but I couldn't find any of that information. WSF has partnered with New York Red Bulls to create the New York Football Challenge. Better name, but still distinctly American. They could've, at least, created a meaningless Cup competition. I'm sure there are no shortage of sponsors (Kleenex Cup, anyone?), or how about the Overpaid World Cup Flops Cup? As it stands now, it sounds like a silly half time diversion involving fans from the crowd trying to dribble through an obstacle course, or a lotto scratch-off game.
   The New York Football Challenge will be a four-team tournament including the New York Red Bulls (obviously), Tottenham Hotspur Football Club, Man City, and Sporting Lisbon. The games will be played at the new Red Bull Arena in NJ, and the tournament runs from July 22-25.  The games will be televised on FOX Soccer Channel and FOX en Espanol. Spurs play NY on Thursday the 22nd at 7:00PM Central Time. Saturday at 12:00PM Central, Spurs will play Sporting Lisbon. If it wasn't half a continent away, I'd go.
   Spurs will also be playing the San Jose Earthquakes, which they have an affiliation with, on July 17 at Buck Shaw Stadium. If it wasn't half a continent away, I'd go.
   Spurs were last in the States back in'03, when they played in DC. One of these years (come to Dallas or Houston!) I'll get to see them during their summer camp.