The World Cup is over and pre-season has started. I couldn't be more excited. However, one thing the World Cup has left me wanting for is manly football.
Football is an endeavor of endurance, grit, and craft. But Nike tells me it's all about primped and preened millionaires who can't even get asked to the dance (Ronaldinho) or suffer from E.D. when it's time for the big show (Drogba, Canavarro, Ribery, Rooney, and one of the worst examples of football prissiness: Ronaldo). Nike, next time wait 'till the tournament's over to make your epic sales pitch.
Now let's look at the supposed flag-bearers of world football.
- Drogba - Big, and intimidating as all get out, but he's a diver a.k.a. sissy,
- Canavarro - he's rugged with a shaved head, but he's done way too much underwear modeling,
- Ribery - You can't knock a guy with a facial scar that big too much, but he plays for France, 'nuff said,
- Rooney - In spite of his underwhelming performance, he's definitely closer to my preferred ideal of a footballer, teach him to stop pouting, and to read, then he'd be perfect,
- Christianaldo Ronaldo - fancy.
These icons all had their chance (except Ronaldinho) and came away with nothing but embarrassment, for the most part.
Where's the commercial with Schweinsteiger, Sneijder, and Vittek? Not pretty enough, I guess. But while all the long-haired, pretty ponces (and Robben) were flopping and rolling around on the pitch, these ugly little crew-cut guys played entertaining football for us.
When you make more in one week than I will in 6 years, I shall not, will not, cannot feel sorry for you when you get whacked in the shin. Every time you cover your face and cry an anguished appeal to God above (as long as the ref is looking) you become less a man.
I want to cheer on a midfield terrier who runs through challenges, and strikers who would never go to ground before trying their hardest to score an open goal through the defense. When confronted with the perceived effeminate nature soccer has acquired in the States, I turn around and criticize the NFL players for having to wear all those pads and receive oxygen on the sidelines after an 8 second play. Alice bands or no, football players aren't puffs. They're hardened athletes. Now quit acting like rich, pampered Dolce & Gabbana models and a little more like Charleton, Coates, and Gazza.
Sir Bobby and Ralph Coates dare you to mention their comb-overs. Ah hell, Gazza.
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