Spurs Match Report: Earthquakes win 0-0 on the 5 week anniversary of the US win over England

   Worse than a stadium of vuvuzelas, the American soccer commentators hijack the viewing experience. It's usually why I  watch MLS games with the sound off. Thank God FSC uses the British commentary now, instead of the Christian Miles voice-over, like back in the old days of FOX Sports World.
   That said, let's get on to the riveting excitement that was the mighty Tottenham Hotspur Football Club versus the San Jose Earthquakes.

Spurs lineup: Cudicini, Bale, walker, Kaboul, Hutton, Townsend, Huddlestone, Naughton, Jenas, Obika, and Keano

San Jose lineup: Bobby Convey (you know, that American player for Reading who was released) and 10 other guys.

   ESPN had the ubiquitous Rob Stone partnered with Taylor Twellman. I guess Twellman's been relegated to colour commentary, as he's injured and unable to play for the Revolution. As I stated before, these two football geniuses guided us through this hotly contested (for SJ) fitness warm-up (for Spurs).
   Let's get their foolishness out of the way (I took more notes on them than any action on the pitch), then I'll recap the match.
   First, let's start with pronunciation. For the opening 25 minutes, they were calling Jenas [jean-ass]. Pretty tough luck for a guy who's name already rhymes with penis. Obika was [obi-kaw], and when they were speaking about Martin Jol, they said it with the hard J. I hear the Brits mangle names all the time, but these are crimes of unfamiliarity, rather than the British wanton disregard for pronunciation etiquette regarding the foreign.
   Next, we were told that Tottenham were here to show off, yet stressed over and over again that their form was not 100%, as this was just a fitness exercise.
   I learned that, "the Spurs and Tottenham" are ready to expand the Big 4.
   Stone and Twelly also spent some time salivating over the fact that Keano is on a prove-it or lose-it situation, and could be sold.  They wrote the script of the "Irish Icon" being sold to New England or New York to stoke the support of Irish-American fans. I could see the dollar signs in their eyes, as their wolf-tongues lolled and drooled over our little Irish wayward son. A confrontation between Keane and Thierry Henry, who just signed for NY Red Bulls and will debut against Spurs, over the World Cup qualifier debacle. Yeah, I'm sure there will be a real bust-up. Henry might boycott training and be benched, just to feel at home.
   These two really don't know what to say during the course of a match, so they talk constantly without saying anything. They yammered about the "big boys on the back line", especially the "ginormous" Huddlestone. Pre-season fitness was over-explained repeatedly, and Twelly seemed to know what all the players on the pitch were thinking. A washed-up player in a third-rate league reading the minds of Champion's League players; impressive.
   However, by far the most disturbing element of the broadcast was listening to Twellman's infatuated gushing about Gareth Bale. Yes, Bale's one of my favorite players, and I do think he's the best left back in the league, but Twelly sounded like a 12-year-old girl extolling the virtues of either Edward or Jacob to her Twilight-engorged friends. I mean, he called him, "an absolute stud" twice. Damn.

Well, he ain't no Tom Jones

   Now, on to the match. Admittedly, I was surprised to see Keane's name in the line up. Outta' sight, outta' mind I guess. I'd written off Keane at Spurs, but seeing him in the shirt again was like going all mushy when you see an ex-girlfriend you didn't realize you weren't over yet. But then I quickly snapped out of it, as he missed two headers in front of an open goal. One in the 26th minute, and the other in the 56th minute. I know it's early days, but he looks as he did when we last parted.
   In the 11th minute, we had a goal disallowed. Jenas took a 20 yard shot off a short corner and blasted it home. Keane may have had a touch at the end, but it was ruled offside.
   In the 30th minute, San Jose saved a 25 yard free kick shot from Bale.
   Townsend had several shots off target, but he looked good. He was quick on the ball, and teamed with Bale on the left side, really gave the Earthquakes problems on their right. He also took a corner or two. I was amused to hear that Twelly didn't think Townsend being tripped and pushed in the back by a defender coming from behind wasn't worthy of a free kick.
   The second half saw Huddlestone move to central defense, Kaboul moved over to the right of the defense, and Townsend switched from left to right midfield. Hutton, Naughton, and Obika came off for Modric, Kranjcar, and Pavyluchenko.
   San Jose had a few chances around the 60th minute, but never really threatened as much as the commentators let on. In the 67th minute, Bale tweaked his ankle. As the camera showed a sun-pinked Redknapp looking on as Bale got the magic spray , Rob Stone said, "Harry Redknapp will be right over to supervise this." What the hell is he; the physio? I think they have other people to do that Rob.
   Adam Smith came on for Kyle walker in the 71st minute, and in the 73rd, Pav had a shot on goal go wide. The 78th minute saw Keane exit for Ryan Mason, and seven minutes later, Kallum Butcher replaced the ginormous Thud.
   And there you have it! Nothing else happened. 0-0 on a hot afternoon. The 10,712 attendance was an all-time record for San Jose, who play in a stadium with a listed capacity of 10,500.
   There was a good atmosphere for the game. There were the mandatory drums and Mexican football chants, but there were quite a few Croatian fans, as evidenced by flags and national jerseys. I saw one England flag with small print of Coppermill Spurs, 1 vuvuzela, and I even picked out a small section chanting, "Come on You Spurs!"  and "Spurs Go Marching On".

Man of the Match: Andros Townsend for his hustle, and Gareth Bale for his boyish charm.
   Stay tuned for coverage of the World Series of Soccer next week in New York.